Clean
by ManaPurin
Summary: It's been years since the gang defeated Naraku & without a common enemy to bring them together, Kagome & Inuyasha have been drifting slowly apart. Things get even worse for when Inuyasha figures out a way to take the well back to a time when Kikyo was still alive. But when the well closes a door, it opens a window. One hell of a window. Pairing: SessKag Rating: K to MA by ch.
1. Chapter 1

Clean - Chapter 1

He shot up from the well, still conflicted. He hesitated on the edge for a moment, gritting his teeth and looking back over his shoulder into the consuming blackness below him. If he stared hard enough, it almost felt like he could see the woman on the other side start to materialize.

He shook his head. She was only in his mind's eye.

He plunked himself unceremoniously down beside the well and crossed his arms around his sword, waiting for her. He leaned his head against the aged wood, staring up at the sky as he searched his mind for a reason good enough to stay with her. No… for a reason good enough to ask her to stay by his side.

He closed his eyes.

There was nothing.

He sighed. _I just keep repeating the same mistake_ , he thought to himself.

"Inuyasha, are you alright?" He felt cool fingers brush across his forehead, and looked up into a serene smile.

He smiled in spite of himself.

"Kikyo."

—

Kagome was no longer a child. She didn't need Inuyasha's sharp sense of smell to know what it meant when Inuyasha stayed away for days and came back with that look on his face. She'd seen it a hundred times before – both before they'd defeated Naraku and in the years since – and she'd already made peace with the fact that he would never be entirely hers.

So why did it hurt like she was still that same young girl watching her first love race after someone else? Why didn't it get any easier? When would she be used to the ache tugging at her chest as she felt him slipping through her fingers? Wh-

"AHH-!"

She hit the dirt face-first, the herbs in her basket spilling in a graceful half-arc over her head and taking to the wind. She growled as she pushed herself up to a sitting position on clenched fists, surveying the work of her clumsiness. More than half of her day's work lay scattered around her. The rest had already blown away.

"WELL…" She felt angry tears forming in the corners of her eyes and forced them down again. "WELL, THAT'S JUST _GREAT_ ," she grunted and picked up the rock that had been her undoing, hurling it as hard as she could into the tall grass beyond the road.

And heard a sudden "GWAH!".

Still seated, Kagome spun to see the heads of Jaken's staff shaking menacingly at her from above the tall grass.

"INSOLENT WOMAN! YOU DARE TO LAUNCH AN ASSAULT IN THE DIRECTION OF LORD SESSHOUMARU?" When the tiny demon burst onto the road, a noticeable red welt was already spreading across his forehead.

"Obviously _NOT_ ," she huffed at the imp, the last remnants of her usually monumental patience lying scattered around her.

"And yet had you initiated your attack mere moments later, you might have _HIT_ his _LORDSHIP_!" Jaken trilled, his voice more obnoxiously shrill the longer his sentence went on. Kagome's face morphed from one of frustration to pure disbelief.

"As _IF_. We _both_ know that even if I'd _AIMED_ for Sesshomaru I wouldn't have _hit_ him - and certainly not with a stupid _rock_ \- so gimme a _break_." Unbidden, Kagome remembered a sacred arrow caught between two green-lit fingers as if it were nothing but a leaf swaying in the breeze. She shuddered as she saw it evaporating to dust just as easily. She didn't have to look to know the same nightmarish figure was slowly approaching; the familiar aura rolling over her skin heralded his arrival. When he stood before her, she suddenly wished she were standing. Even without murderous intent attached to it, the pressing waves of Sesshomaru's presence were hard to take at such close range. Kagome often wondered how Rin managed it so effortlessly.

"Kagome-nee!" As if summoned by her thoughts, the little girl came crashing through Sesshomaru's sleeve to wrap the kneeling woman in a fierce hug.

"Rin!" she smiled, returning the girl's embrace just as warmly. Kagome was always happy to see the girl, but given how her day had been going so far, she was more relived than usual to bask in Rin's radiating cheerfulness. She finally released the girl, who promptly planted herself in Kagome's lap.

"Are you making a grass bed?" the girl asked, head bobbing back and forth as she noted the herbs strewn all around Kagome. The woman laughed.

"No, I was collecting herbs."

"Herbs?"

"For _potions_!" she said, emphasizing the word with wide eyes and wiggling fingers.

"You mean to make people feel better?" Rin seemed delighted by the idea.

"Exactly," Kagome replied, nodding softly. Rin looked around them again.

"Nee-san, if you're collecting them, maybe you should put them in the basket." Kagome laughed in spite of herself. It was hard to stay morose when Rin was around.

"I had them in the basket, but I tripped and some of them escaped," she said, snatching a mote of fluffy flower dander from the girl's hair. "See? I have to go collect more while it's still light."

"Me too, me too!" the girl cried, flinging herself out of Kagome's lap and tugging insistently at one hand. Giggling, Kagome quickly complied, allowing the girl to hoist her upright. But as soon as her feet were firmly planted beneath her, a pang shot up her left side and her knees buckled. Her eyes went wide as she realized she would-

But before she'd even fully registered her legs' collapse, there was a pressure on her shoulder, and she found herself looking up into harsh golden eyes only an arm's length away. Her heart pounded in her ears.

"…Th- thanks," she muttered, unable to tear her eyes from his gaze. Whenever Sesshomaru made direct contact, his demonic aura throbbed like a pulse under her skin. She still wasn't used to the feeling. And even though they'd touched a few times during their final fight with Naraku, he'd gotten much stronger since then. "Thanks for catching me, I mean," she continued when he didn't move.

His lip twitched, whether in affirmation or a sneer of disgust she wasn't quite sure.

"You were going to fall on Rin," he rumbled at last, hand still holding her firmly up.

"No," she said, ears going red, but voice steady. "I was going to turn as I fell." His hair waved as Rin turned to look from one of them to the other, but he didn't look away. His glare burned deeper into hers for a second before he finally blinked and freed her.

" _Hnn_ ," he said, turning. As he removed his hand Kagome tumbled backwards into a heap, legs and skirt flying up as she hit the ground with squeal and an undignified "oomf". She couldn't tell if he'd given her an imperceptible push or if it was just the recoil from his aura. Surely the mighty Lord Sesshomaru wasn't petty enough to push over an injured woman. …even if it was her.

Rin was at her side instantaneously.

"Kagome-nee! Are you alright?" she fretted. "Jaken, help me carry her!" she cried, already gallantly pulling Kagome's arm over the girl's slight shoulders.

"Certainly NOT," he protested immediately.

"Oh. OK." She paused, unphased. "Lord Sesshomaru-"

"RIN! DO NOT DARE TO INSULT HIS LORDSHIP WITH SUCH A MENIAL REQUEST. TO PARTICIPATE IN SUCH A PLEBIAN TASK IS BEYOND BENEATH HIM. WHY, IT'S BLASPHEMOUS. TO EVEN THINK TO ASK ONE SUCH AS HIM TO TOUCH A LOWLY HUMAN IS AN ABUSE THAT WILL NOT BE BORNE!"

"Eh?" Rin just tilted her head curiously from under Kagome's arm. "But Lord Sesshomaru carries me all the time."

"AND EVEN THAT IS CONTEMPTFULLY DISRESPECTF-" A black foot suddenly appeared where the imp's head had been, sending up a cloud of dust into the air as the green face was driven into the dirt.

"You question me, Jaken?" It was said more as a statement than a question.

"N-N-NEVER, MILORD!" the servant immediately cried, continuing on to full-blown groveling, stacking compliment upon compliment as Rin and Kagome looked on. The dog demon tolerated the imp's display for a moment before removing his foot.

"Jaken," he said as he turned, hair whipping behind him like a tail.

"YES, MILORD?"

"Watch Rin."

Before the imp could reply, Sesshomaru had vanished into the grass. As Jaken began muttering to himself and melted into dramatic tears, Kagome turned to Rin.

"Does he usually just leave you alone like this?"

"He DIDN'T leave her _ALONE_ ," wailed the imp indignantly in the distance, "he left her in MY CHARGE."

"He didn't leave me alone," there was an affirming 'hmph' from behind them. "Lord Sesshomaru never leaves me alone. Ah, look!" The girl motioned toward the tree line, pointing to a giant creature that howled as if on cue. She lept up and began waving both arms.

"AH-UNNNNN!" The massive beast pawed at the air in response and hurtled towards the her.

"RIN-"

But before Kagome could get up, the dragon collided with the girl, rolling until it landed on its back, gingerly holding Rin on its stomach between massive claws. Kagome let out an immediate sigh of relief.

"Ah-unnnnnnnnn" the girl gurgled happily, scratching the demon's belly to its obvious delight. Kagome watched and couldn't help but think of a large puppy. She'd never seen the creature so close, and it was more than a little intimidating. But then, so were demons like Jinenji. As if sensing her curiosity, Rin called out to her.

"Come on, Kagome-nee! You can pet him!" Kagome looked at the girl with wide eyes, then back at the demon, and slowly crawled forward. Ah-un watched her approach out of one jaundiced eye.

"Hello," she said when she had sidled an arm's length away from it, tentatively extending a hand. Ah met her halfway, nuzzling his broad head into the flat of her palm and letting out a satisfied grunt.

"S… So cute!" Kagome yipped, taking its head in both her hands and scratching behind his ears to a chorus of appreciative bellows and snorts.

"Hahaha, he likes you! Huh, boy?"

"Rin, will you waste all the daylight hours spoiling that beast?" Both girls turned to see Jaken glaring at them from beside the demon, his arms crossed in a decidedly parental gesture.

"Ah! That's right!" Rin answered. "Kagome-nee, let's go get your fluff!" The girl slid back to the ground so Ah-un could roll over.

"Ah…" Kagome touched her ankle instinctively. "It's alright. In this state, I don't think I'll make it back to the village before dark, let alone back to the field again." She slowly eased herself up on one leg, using Ah-un for a handhold and scanning around her for something to use as a splint or a crutch.

"No, we'll take Ah-un," Rin said, as if it had been obvious.

"What?" said Kagome and Jaken in unison. "Rin, I don't think-"

"Lord Sesshomaru sent him for you. Hop on, he's really fast!"

"He sent…" She looked at the imp for protest, but he merely rolled his eyes at her and climbed onto Ah-un's back.

"Are you sure he meant for me to ride it and not just you?" Kagome asked, trying to correct the girl's mistake. Sesshomaru treated Rin specially, and perhaps the girl couldn't see that her guardian didn't extend the same unearthly patience to anyone else. Kagome suspected that Ah-un returning covered in her scent would leave the dog demon less than pleased.

"Why else would he send him?" Rin countered, "I always walk. Get on!" She flapped the reigns excitedly for emphasis. Kagome blinked at the girl for a moment, not sure what to say.

"Ah-un." At the girl's prodding, the creature dipped both heads underneath the woman and sent her sliding down its back until she came to rest on its shoulders. It sniffed at the herbs on the ground before leaping into the air. Somehow Kagome suspected there would be hell to pay for this, but she was grateful to finally have the weight off her ankle.

"So what's this fluffy stuff called?" Rin asked, tucking a tuft behind Jaken's ear.

—

"And thanks again!" she said as she dismounted, waving to Rin and a decidedly exasperated Jaken. She gave Ah-un a last scratch under their chins before Jaken tugged at their reigns and pulled them into the air.

"BYYYYYE!" cried the girl as she ascended, waving wildly with both hands. Kagome grinned and waved quietly back until the group faded into the dying light.

She stared at the now-heavy basket weighing unevenly on her hip and quietly wondered if she could hop the last few hundred meters back into the village-

"You reek of that bastard-"

"-AH!" she yelped – first as she jumped in surprise, and then in pain as her weight shifted onto her injured ankle – and she tottered in place.

"Hey!" a warm hand shot out and took her elbow, steadying her as another arm wrapped firmly around her waist. "Are you ok?"

She tensed uncontrollably.

"Did _he_ do this?"

"Of _course_ not," she said emphatically, shaking Inuyasha off as he moved to scoop her up. "I'm fine." She took a few slow, wobbling steps away from him and blushed. Hobbling didn't carry quite the dignified brush-off effect she was going for.

"Ch- You're obviously _not_ fine, Kagome" he countered, keeping in step with her and taking her basket.

"I just _said_ I was fine, so I'm _fine_ ," she responded curtly.

" _No_ , you're _not_ ," he barked, taking her in his arms too quickly for her to counter. "Why won't you just let me _help_ you?"

"Wh- UGH," she groaned as the ground faded beneath them. She locked her arms across her chest in protest and curled up to her knees to keep as much of her body from touching his as possible.

" _What?_ " he snarled, sensing the shift. "Would you rather _he_ carried you?" Her face went completely red and she turned to stare at him with wide eyes as he continued. "Well _I_ don't see that bastard here, so-"

"What i- WHAT IS THAT EVEN SUPPOSED TO _MEAN_?!" she shouted in shock as they touched down in Kaede's garden. The commotion brought Miroku and Sango tumbling out of the hut in time to see Kagome push away from an indignant Inuyasha and immediately begin to hop-stagger towards the house. The two exchanged a knowing look.

"WELL, what am I SUPPOSED to think when I get back and you're GONE and then it turns out YOU'RE OFF WITH _HIM_ ALL DAY?" Miroku dropped his head into his hand in disbelief and Sango shook her head beside him. Kagome stopped in her tracks.

He knew he'd done something wrong.

"OH… MY… _GOD_ ," she seethed as she wheeled back around, her pain temporarily overridden by rage. "ARE YOU- ARE YOU _KIDDING_ ME RIGHT NOW?" Inuyasha's jealousy suddenly evaporated as he saw the murderous look on her face. "So YOU show up out of the BLUE after _FOUR DAYS_ of being A.W.O.L., and the first thing you're going to do is YELL at ME for, WHAT, NOT BEING NEXT TO THE WELL _WAITING FOR YOU_?"

"Aw- AWUH- Well you didn't have to RUN OFF with him!"

" _RUN OFF_?"

"How should I know what's going through your head when you start spending all this time with him-"

"I. WAS OUT. PICKING HERBS. FOR KAEDE. LIKE _ALWAYS_ ," she yelled, taking a stumbling step towards him with each word, her volume decreasing dangerously the closer she got. "Which _you_. Would _know_. If _you_. Were _HERE_ ," she hissed, finally stopping before a visibly shaken Inuyasha.

"YOUR brother," she growled, jabbing a finger at his chest as he leaned back, "was there for all of _FIVE SECONDS_. Not that it's ANY of your business," she finished, grabbing the fabric over his chest both for emphasis and balance. " _GOT IT_?"

He blinked in acknowledgement, but couldn't think of anything to say as Miroku and Sango ran up to the two.

"Now, now," Miroku laughed, "let's not get too-"

"It's ok," Kagome said, releasing the half-demon, "I said what I needed to." She nearly fell again as she turned to go back to the house.

"Kagome!" Sango caught her and threw an arm around her.

"And just when I was starting to cheer up, too," Kagome muttered under her breath. Sango spared Inuyasha a backwards glare as she helped the younger woman into the hut. The half demon and the monk watched them in silence. When they were inside, Miroku turned to look at his friend.

"Honestly, what is wrong with you?" he asked, shaking his head pityingly.

"Me?" Inuyasha cried. "SHE'S the one who's been off with _SESSHOMARU_ all day!"

"As you've been off with Kikyo for several more," the monk replied quietly.

Inuyasha bit his lip.

"Is that what she-"

"Inuyasha, please. Far be it for me of all people to condemn a little daisy watering-"

" _I'll say_ ," he mumbled, shooting the monk a sideways glance.

"Variety is the spice of life, after all," he shrugged with a smile. "But you can't show up after all that time and play the part of the jealous lover," he said more seriously. "You're just driving her further away."

Inuyasha stared at the doorway, quietly considering Miroku's words. He continued.

"You know she was worried about you the whole time, don't you?"

He pictured her face and hung his head, his wounded pride abandoning him.

"You've seen what it does to her when you go running off like that."

In the fading light, the monk saw something like regret flit across his friend's face.

"…yeah."

—

A/N:

I hope you enjoyed the first chapter of Clean! WOO!

I have to say, it's really fun to write InuKag fights because I can totally hear their voices in my head. I picture Inuyasha being the jealous type no matter how old he gets, and I imagine Kagome being freshly sick of it each time haha.

Also, I rewrote the shirt-grabbing bit a few times. At first I had it as "she grabbed the front of his suikan" because that's the name of the coat/shirt thing that Inuyasha wears, but then I was worried that people wouldn't know what that was, so I changed it to "grabbed the front of his shirt", but then that bothered me even more because in my mind's eye that means he was in, like, a t-shirt, so I went with "fabric" because fsck it, what else could I do?

I've actually already written this whole fic, so I should be updating pretty regularly depending on how fast I can edit. If you want faster updates, please follow me on tumblr (un: manapurin)!

Btw, this is going to get pretty steamy (ok, totally raunch) eventually... I'll warn you in advance when those chapters come up! Until then, please enjoy!


	2. Chapter 2

"You should've made him sit," the older girl said angrily as she wrapped Kagome's ankle, wishing Kaede were back – Sango was a warrior, not a healer.

"I didn't have the heart to," Kagome replied with a weak laugh. Her hands were locked tightly at her sides gripping her chair as she swung her other leg in small, lazy circles in the air beneath her. The nervous gesture didn't go unnoticed.

"It would have made you feel better," Sango suggested as she tied off the bandage. "Sit, sit, sit, sit-"

"Haha, nah… we're not kids anymore," she sighed, staring out the window. "And I've realized, you know… It doesn't make either of us feel any better to hurt him back whenever he hurts me. It just…" she trailed off without finishing the thought.

Sango looked down at the girl's feet to hide her grimace. Sometimes Kagome was too old for her age, and she suspected most of it was Inuyasha's fault.

"Well, it would have made me feel better to see it, then," she said at last, grinning. "A nice deep hole like the grave that mutt keeps digging himself into."

At that, Kagome couldn't help but mirror Sango's grin. Their eyes met as they both pictured it and suddenly both women burst into uncontrollable giggles, pitching forward at the thought of the half demon's legs twitching in the air over a smoking sit-crater, laughing until both girls clutched their stomachs and Sango wiped tears from her eyes.

" _Hic_ -" She looked up to see Kagome gritting her teeth as her smile broke apart and her chuckles dissolved into choking tears. She took the younger woman's hand, and the small kindness broke Kagome's resistance completely.

"…Kagome…" she didn't know what to say as tears began to slide down Kagome's cheeks in earnest. It was a fresh pain, but an old problem.

"I-" a rattling breath caught in her throat. "I can't hurt him the way he hurts me, anyway," she laughed. The sound squeezed Sango's chest. "Even if I wanted t-" she clenched her teeth back together, willing her tears to flow backwards and failing spectacularly. She felt warm arms quickly encircle her as she melted into quiet sobs.

She felt Kaede's power at the door, waiting for Kagome to regain control before rounding the corner.

"It-" Kagome closed her eyes and took a long breath, ordering her body to behave. "It's ok, Kaede," she said at last, rubbing her fists roughly across her eyes to little effect.

"What's all this, then?"

"Inuyasha just got back," Sango said in reply, still holding Kagome in a protective hug.

"Just Inuyasha?" the elder miko asked, puzzled. "Were ye not together in the other world?"

At this both girls turned to look at the woman, questioning looks on their faces.

"I spied him not an hour ago as I returned here," she added in answer. "He came from the Bone-Eater's Well."

—

Kagome stared down at the grave, and even in the last wisps of twilight she could see that the flowers were dead.

She'd planted them as a sign of goodwill to honor the sacrifice Kikyo had made in their battle against Naraku. Everyone deserved a place to be remembered, didn't they? Or so she'd thought at the time. She'd made a point of caring for the gravesite ever since, partly because Kikyo was Kaede's sister, and partly because she thought she'd forgiven the other woman.

Standing there now, she was no longer sure.

Kagome had neglected the plot lately, afraid she might encounter Inuyasha there mourning the priestess. Looking at the dry flower husks sticking out of the dirt beside Kikyo's headstone, she knew that her fears had been wasted.

But new worries quickly sprouted in their place.

"Kagome?" Miroku called out as he crested the top of the hill behind her. He was glad to see Kagome wasn't crying alone as Sango had suspected, but as the young priestess turned and he saw the look on her face, his relief evaporated. "What is it?" he asked darkly, tucking his chin as if warding off a blow. She didn't answer.

"You can talk to me, Kagome."

"Did he… tell you anything?" she asked at last, eyes downcast. "About where he's been, or what he's been…" she turned again to look meaningfully at the monument behind her, gleaming menacingly against the lamp light. "About what he's been doing?" she murmured.

The monk walked up to stand beside her, scrutinizing the grave for the new significance Kagome saw in it.

"No. Although…" he spoke hesitantly, picking his words like careful steps over what he new was dangerous territory. "Given the… state of things between you two… I thought it had something to do with Kikyo."

She nodded solemnly in reply.

"I think he's been looking for a way to revive her."

The monk turned at her words as if he'd been struck. Her expression remained placid.

No, he thought to himself, empty.

"You know lately he's been disappearing more and more on his own, right?" she continued, eyes still trained on the headstone.

It was an understatement. Inuyasha was gone often enough that the monk rarely saw him when he stopped to visit the village, and though his visits were becoming more and more frequent now that Sango needed Kaede's care on a regular basis, they encountered the half demon less and less.

"I've noticed," he acknowledged. She nodded again.

"He never tells me where he's going. And he only does that when-" she visibly steeled herself. "When he's running off with Kikyo." Miroku tensed, but couldn't think of anything to say. It had been too familiar of an occurrence over the years for any of them to suspect anything else.

"I thought it would stop when she died. I mean, I didn't think he would forget her or anything, but I thought…" she reached an arm across her body, clutching her opposite elbow as if she could support herself. "But then lately he started running off again. At first it was just a day at a time, but that look on his face… and I just… I just knew, you know? And I asked him about it, but he wouldn't…"

Miroku frowned sympathetically.

"It's possible he could be doing something else," he offered quietly, not sure whether he was trying to convince Kagome or himself.

"That he couldn't tell me about? What else could there be?" she said, finally turning to face the monk. "He tells me everything. He's always told me everything. Except…" she grimaced. "At first I thought he was just hanging around her grave, thinking about her. He used to do that a lot right after she died. Well, died again. But then he started staying away for days at a time, so I figured… he must be trying to get her back somehow."

"It wouldn't be much of a surprise if he were…" he conceded, "but how could he do it?"

"I don't know," she said, shaking her head to clear the image of the two together. "But it happened before, right? So I'm sure someone could do it again. Or I bet that's what he was thinking, at least."

Miroku couldn't argue with her reasoning. Still, he hoped his friend wasn't foolish enough to repeat what - for all intents and purposes - had been a disaster, no matter how he felt about the priestess.

"Still, before we have proof we shouldn't-"

"He's been going down the well."

"What?"

"I thought he was looking for a witch who could do a similar clay doll spell, but Kaede said he came out of the Bone-Eater's Well today."

"So is he looking for something in your time that could help him?"

"No, that can't be it. There's nothing there to help him."

"Then what-" and it dawned on him. She looked at him sadly as she saw the pieces line up in his mind. "You think he's going further back, not forward."

She looked away.

"It's the only thing that makes sense, right? Maybe… maybe while he was looking for a way to get Kikyo back, he found a way to get back to Kikyo instead. And not just the angry Kikyo we all know, but the real one, the one he fell-" she clenched her fist at her side, but staunchly refused to shed any more tears over the half-demon that day. "That would be _better_ than reviving her, wouldn't it? To be with the living, breathing incarnation of Kikyo?" The monk couldn't help but hear a comparison in her words. Not for the first time, he wondered whether Kagome felt like Kikyo's replacement, and whether she indeed was. But Inuyasha's increased absence seemed to settle that question.

"I thought the well only went between your time and this one," he posited after the pause.

"That's what I used to think, too, but how do I know that? Just because that's the only way I've ever traveled through the well doesn't mean that's the only way it could work. I've been thinking about it," she said, shedding some of her gloom as she focused on the new theory. "Maybe I could go to a different time if I really wanted to." The monk didn't like the way she said 'wanted to'.

"How so?"

"Maybe the well takes me to the time I'm focusing on when I jump into it. I only ever have this time or my time in my mind when I go through the well. Maybe that limits what time I come out in on the other end."

"Then what of your first arrival?" The pair turned to see Sango helping Kaede up the stairs, and Miroku rushed to take Sango's arm.

"You shouldn't overexert yourself," he chastised softly. She immediately waved him off.

"Miroku, I'm pregnant, not crippled."

"Yes, but-" she silenced him with a look. He hung his head in defeat, and with a wry smile moved to help Kaede instead.

"I think… it was because of Mistress Centipede," she said when they were all together. "She died in this time, didn't she? Just a few days after where I landed. So maybe when we went through the well together, it was her thoughts of this time that brought me here. Or maybe I was just hoping to get somewhere safe, so the well took me to-" She paused, remembering the first thing she'd seen when she emerged from the well. Kaede remembered, too.

"Or mayhap ye had nothing to do with the choice, and in truth it's the well which decides the fates of those who enter it," Kaede said seriously, apprehension spreading quickly across her features.

The group exchanged a look.

"All this time that I've been using the well, I never stopped to worry about how it worked or what else it could do," Kagome mused, frowning.

"But apparently Inuyasha _has_ ," Sango added.

"Yes," Miroku said, "and whether he's looking to revive Kikyo or not, I think we can agree that using the power of the well for selfish desires can't end well. He could accidentally alter the course of time."

Kagome's frown deepened.

"He could change something that makes it impossible for us to defeat Naraku," she said to the others, staring at the ground. Their eyes flew wide.

"Do you think he… but he went further back than that, didn't he?" Sango ventured. "If he's going back to see a living Kikyo, he's going back to a time where Naraku didn't exist yet."

"Not quite so," Kaede replied. "My sister died because of the deception Naraku laid upon the pair of them. In a sense, his beginning was my sister's undoing."

"Exactly," Kagome said. "If he's going back to see Kikyo, then he's probably…" She clenched her jaw. "Instead of resurrecting her, he might be trying to undo her death in the first place." Her hold on her elbow visibly tightened, knuckles going white at the thought.

"You mean he's trying to kill Naraku?" Sango asked.

"Or Onigumo, more specifically," Miroku supplied.

"If that's what he's after, though, he hasn't succeeded yet." Something in the timbre of her voice drew the eyes of the group to Kagome.

"How can ye know?"

She clutched the scar on her side where the jewel had been ripped from her body.

" _Because I still exist_."

—

A/N:

* * *

WOOOOO! Sorry, guys, I was going to upload this yesterday, but Avengers 2 FINALLY came out in Japan, so I didn't have time to finish haha. Sorry there's no Sesshomaru in this chapter, too. But don't worry, there's going to be plenty of him from here on out. I've actually been shortening and even scrapping chapters as I re-read it to get to the SessKags stuff sooner haha (sorry not sorry).

To those of you AMAZING people who have been messaging me and following me and saying sweet things, thank you! I've been a part of this fandom for years now and I've never fully appreciated how warm and just generally awesome y'all are until now. You guys are the best! And whenever I get a message or a note about Clean it always makes me want to work on it faster. So thanks, guys!

For those of you who missed Chapter 1 or the beginning blurb, feel free to check those out.

xoxox,  
Mana


	3. Chapter 3

Maybe it was her friends' long tirades of "what is he _thinking_ " and "how DARE he"s that ran long into the night. Maybe it was the weight of their sympathetic stares pressing on her back in the dark after they'd all gone to bed. Maybe it was her own troubling thoughts that swirled back and forth in her mind and wouldn't let her calm down.

Whatever the reason, Kagome lay awake through the night, staring at the wall and trying to dig up answers that continued to elude her. She sighed in quiet relief when she saw the first hint of pre-dawn glow creep over the windowsill, and she silently dressed and slipped out before the others could wake and heap more pity on her. They loved her, she knew, but it was hard to keep her composure from cracking under the pinpricks of their kindness. She touched the bags under her eyes with timid fingers as she quickly put distance between herself and the hut. She was already puffy enough from last night; she didn't want to spend the next several days in ugly tears.

She shook her head, clearing away the dreary thoughts. Instead Kagome stopped, realizing as she became aware of her surroundings that she was already on the path to the well.

 _Force of habit_ , she thought wistfully, glaring down at her traitorous legs. The well was the last place she wanted to be.

Since Kagome hadn't seen him after their spat the day before, she was sure Inuyasha was perched near the well in what she had dubbed his 'time-out tree', where he always ran when they fought.

 _Or when he's hiding something_ , she winced to herself. _He–_ she let out a frustrated groan and slapped her cheeks. _NO, Kagome_ , she chastised herself. _No more of that. Focus, focus!_

She stared down at the village for a moment, contemplating her options. She knew there was a lake around here somewhere, but if she wandered too far her friends would worry, and she wasn't prepared to confront their concerned faces. Or – even worse – Inuyasha would worry and come looking for her. She was definitely not ready for _that_ conversation just yet.

Then again, maybe he wouldn't. She sighed. Maybe she would just wander aimlessly uphill through the forest. She still couldn't quite make her friends understand the idea of 'walking for fun' (especially Inuyasha, who insisted he should just carry her if she wanted to go somewhere), but the more she thought about it, the more refreshing a long, mind-emptying hike sounded.

"Let's do this," she muttered to herself, veering off the main road and starting towards a tiny dirt path that wound into the woods. She sent out a wave of power before her as she went, sensing to the furthest periphery of her reach and scanning for any demonic aura that would give her trouble.

She smiled as her power was rebuffed by a familiar aura, cutting through it like a boulder in a stream.

 _Just what the doctor ordered_ , she thought, making her way through the underbrush with a new spring in her step.

—

"What's it called again?" asked the girl excitedly.

"A _braid,_ " Kagome supplied, smiling as her fingers deftly interlaced pieces of Rin's hair around the crown of her head. "Another one," she instructed, and Rin quickly plucked another flower from the massive pile spilling over her lap, handing it over her head to Kagome.

"Can you teach me?" the girl asked, bobbing her toes back and forth to an imaginary tune as she felt the flower being woven into the plait.

"This one's a little difficult for beginners," Kagome replied, earning her a disappointed and comically dog-like whimper from Rin. " _But_ ," she continued emphatically, "I could teach you an easier one that you could do on yourself."

"No, no, I want to try it on Lord Sesshomaru!" she corrected.

Kagome let out a loud snort before she could stop herself, almost losing her grip on the girl's hair as she doubled over in fits of laughter.

"Braid…? Sessho….? PFFFFFT-" She couldn't get the question out without dissolving into chuckles. She pictured the Lord of the West turning to look at her over his shoulder with his customary death-glare, only for the movement to be followed by a long silver braid whipping around his body, studded top to bottom with pink and purple wildflowers-

She lost it. She laid her forehead against Rin's back and gave herself completely over to unattractive snorts and bellowing guffaws until her sides ached and she was gasping for breath.

"Oh my gosh, Rin," she said when she'd recovered at last, wiping tears from her face with her elbows and slowly continuing her work. "Thank you. Ahhhh, I nee-" she snickered again, but managed to continue her work. "I needed that."

"What was funny?" Rin asked innocently.

"The idea of you braiding Sesshomaru's hair," she answered, keeping her giggles in check. "The idea of anyone doing his hair, I guess."

"Eh? Is it weird?"

"Yes," Kagome replied. " _Very_."

"Why?"

She considered for a moment. "I guess he just seems kind of… untouchable? Sesshomaru is more the type to be covered in blood than flowers."

"Ah, but I put flowers in his hair all the time-" at this Kagome crumbled into soft fits of laughter again, but the girl continued undeterred, "-but usually I have to tie them in by the stems or they fall out," she mused. "This blade thing would be way easier."

" _Braid_ ," Kagome corrected warmly, pinning a stray lock of hair away from the girl's face. "I love you, Rin," she said when she finished, kissing the top of the girl's head. "You're like a mini-Kisshōten."

"A quiche-a-wha?"

"Haha, key-show-ten," she repeated slowly. "She's one of the gods of fortune." She absentmindedly tied off the girl's braid, trying to remember if the deity had made the cultural import from the continent in the feudal era yet. "She's the goddess of happiness. _And_ beauty," she continued, imagining how proud her teachers would be that she had somehow managed to retain the information despite her spotty attendance.

 _And whose fault was that_ , she remembered, wringing her lips bitterly.

"Ehhhh, that should be you then, Kagome-nee!" Rin piped, rescuing Kagome from her train of thought.

"I what?"

"You're Kissh- Kissh- the Kish lady! You're always protecting everyone and making everyone happy," Rin crooned, "and you're _beauuuuutiful_ ," she added, throwing her head slowly back as she elongated the word for emphasis. Kagome giggled and rewarded the girl with another motherly peck on her ear.

"I don't know about that. I think I'd rather be Jurōjin," she said, digging into her pockets.

"Who's that?"

"The god of long life," she answered, ignoring the unbidden thoughts that sprang up in response and snaking an arm around the younger girl. "Here" she said, waving a pocket mirror in front of Rin, inviting to check her handiwork.

"Life? Isn't that Lord Sesshomaru, though?" Rin asked, turn her head back and forth. "He saved _my_ life. _Twice_!" she insisted, catching the reflection of Kagome's incredulous expression in the mirror. "And _yours_ , too. Don't forget."

"Hmm… I guess I pictured him as more of a Bishamon," she reasoned as the girl in her lap swiveled back and forth, trying to view every angle of her hair and cooing in satisfaction.

"Bishounen?" Rin asked at last, handing back the mirror.

"Bi _shamon_ ," she corrected with a chuckle, raising her hands ominously over her head. "He's the god… of… WAR!" she cried, attacking the girl's ticklish sides until the pair were rolling on the ground in a pile of flowers and giggles.

"What about Jaken?" the girl asked when she caught her breath.

"I don't know" Kagome mused sarcastically, brows over-furrowed in feigned seriousness. "I can't think of a god of obnoxious condescension."

"WHAT?"

"Uh oh," Kagome said, raising her eyebrows at Rin in mock terror as the imp hurried towards the two. The girl giggled. When he had nearly reached them, Rin stood and called out across the field.

"Master Jaken, what's 'condensation'?"

"AGH! Conde _SCEN_ sion," he corrected in a haughty tone, shooting Kagome a distinct this-is- _your_ -doing glare.

"You _do_ realize what a condescending tone you just said that in, right?" she asked in response.

" _You-_ "

"Jaken." The servant jumped at the voice behind them. Kagome had sensed him approaching from a league off. She was puzzled that Jaken hadn't.

The wind kicked up as the demon came to stand in front of them, sending flowers spinning and unfurling his long silver hair around him like a cape. She smiled, instantly reminded of her earlier mental picture, but managed to keep from bursting into laughter by clenching her lips together in a tightly pinched line. She doubted Sesshomaru would be as forgiving of her imagining him in flower crowns as he apparently was of Rin putting them on him.

"Lord Sesshomaru, Lord Sesshomaru, look!" his charge cried, skipping in circles around him and pointing at her head with both hands.

"Stop," he said flatly and she froze in place, then bowed forward to invite a proper inspection.

His expression was blank but he heeded her request, eyes moving over the intricately interwoven locks before turning to rest his steady gaze on Kagome. Her smile faded.

"Isn't it pretty, Lord Sesshomaru?" the girl cawed in delight, continuing her laps around the demon lord.

"Hnn," he replied, still staring at Kagome. She wasn't sure if it was an acknowledgement or a snort of subtle disgust. She wasn't even sure if there would be a difference between the two sounds coming from the demon lord.

Unphased by the girl's movement, Sesshomaru continued to stare, tendrils of his aura slowly radiating outwards from where he stood like cream in a coffee cup. Kagome felt a blush of annoyance creep into her cheeks. Was there dirt on her face?

 _At least he's not touching me_ , she thought, irked. She remembered their last encounter and suddenly she was grateful for even the slight distance that remained between them.

"You appear even more distastefully mortal than usual," he said at last, coarsely demanding her attention. Her mouth dropped open.

"I- I _WHAT_?" She was stunned. It was practically the longest speech he'd ever directed at her, and she wasn't sure whether she should be surprised or insulted first. His gaze moved to rest solidly on her red-rimmed eyes.

"You look like you have both feet in the grave today rather than one."

"Dammit, am I still puffy?" she hissed, her fingers automatically reaching to trace the edges of the raised circles before she could stop them. "Just couldn't sleep last night," she half-laughed in explanation, feeling Rin's eyes on her. The wind changed and Sesshomaru looked her quickly up and down, maintaining the same detached expression.

"Hnn," he murmured under his breath, lip twitching fleetingly in what looked like revulsion.

"You got a problem?" she snapped defiantly, sending Jaken into such mortified spasms that he didn't even have time to chastise her before Sesshomaru suddenly took another step forward.

Her heart stopped.

"Your scent is foul," he explained. "Correct it." As if to make his point he turned on his heel in an effortlessly graceful motion and started towards the tree line, shining hair waving unbraided behind him. "Rin," he murmured from a few paces away, not pausing.

"Coming, Lord Sesshomaru!" she piped, jumping up from where she was squatting next to Kagome and hurriedly collecting her flowers.

 _For his hair?_ Kagome wondered. Rin turned to go, bear-hugging what blossoms she could to her chest.

"Bye, Kagome!" she chirped, completing her turn and running off after the waving shock of Sesshomaru's silver hair. "Teach me to braid next time, ok?" she cried over her shoulder, breaking into a half-skip.

"It's a promise!" Kagome called in reply.

"W-wait for meeeee, Lord Sesshomaruuuu," came Jaken's plaintive wail as he scuttled after his companions' receding figures.

Kagome smiled and waved at the trio until they vanished from sight, though Sesshomaru's aura continued to pulsate through the air long after.

She was sad to see the girl go, but Kagome was in decidedly better spirits than she had been just a few hours earlier. A dose of Rin's effervescence had been just the self-pity remedy she needed, and no one in Sesshomaru's little troupe would ever threaten to bring her walls of calm crashing down with pointed words of sympathy.

 _Just the opposite_ , she smirked to herself in appreciative frustration. _Was he trying to pick a fight with me?_

But fights she could handle. Hell, a fight would be a welcome release after the emotional tension of the last few days.

 _But not with Sesshomaru_ , she shuddered, gathering her bow. There was a fine line to tread with Sesshomaru between frigid tolerance and homicidal anger, and she was never quite sure where that line lay. Most of the time she knew she trampled dangerously close to it – like today – and she didn't want to test what would happen if she ever truly crossed it. There were many demons whose bad sides she could manage; she doubted the Lord of the West was one of them.

Her brows knit together, remembering his remarks. _'Correct it'? As if I can change my scent_ , she huffed, standing and brushing loose petals from the front of her skirt. Suddenly reminded of him crowned in daisy chains, Kagome finally let out the belly laugh she'd been holding in earlier. Sesshomaru as the god of long life?

 _As if_ , she grinned caustically to herself, _even if he did save Rin. …twice. Was it twice?_

As she started the mental tally of all the times he'd acted as her protector, the comparison suddenly didn't seem quite as out of place as her gut reaction told her it was.

 _He does have Tenseiga,_ she reasoned. _I guess that counts for something… White hair instead of a white beard… and a flower crown._ She chuckled again, picking her way carefully through the woods. The image was starting to feel uncomfortably right in her mind.

Considering the younger girl's words, Kagome was reminded of a particular save from the Band of Seven for which she was especially grateful.

 _I never did thank him for that one,_ she realized. _I should…_

Her thoughts wandered as she relived what had immediately followed. She paused. Even now she could feel Inuyasha calling out her name, his arms wrapping protectively around her.

 _"I should have stayed with her!"_ growled the image in her mind. She leaned against a tree for support as the memory unfolded involuntarily. At least she thought it was a memory. Looking back, it might have just been something that the poison helped her dream up. It certainly didn't sound like Inuyasha.

She sighed.

 _Or at least not the Inuyasha he's been lately_ , she realized. She grimaced and set herself on the path back to the village.

They needed to talk.

—

Despite her resolve in the forest, Kagome breathed a sigh of relief that the half demon wasn't perched in his usual branch when she went by, and she was more than a little glad to find he wasn't he wasn't in Kaede's hut when she returned, either.

 _Way to be avoidant,_ Kagome, she chastised herself as she crossed the threshold. _Come on, girl. Grownup powers: activate!_

"Kagome!" came a squeal as Shippo landed feather-light on top of her head. "Where did you go?" he demanded, climbing down to her shoulder. "And what happened last night?" he asked apprehensively, looking down at her ankle.

"How much did Sango and Miroku tell you?" she asked, patting the fox's head automatically.

"Nothing, so I figure it musta been really bad."

"Well," she frowned, "you're not wrong."

"How's your ankle?"

Grateful for the topic change she looked down, lifting her foot and turning it from side to side.

"Fine, actually. I didn't even think about it this morning."

"So it was really, really bad."

"Haha, yeah, I kind of wish I woke up this morning with amnesia," she confessed. "Can I fill you in later? I should probably find Kaede soon for lessons if she's up for it."

"Of course," Shippo said emphatically, sniffing her hair. "Hey, you smell like Rin," he declared, jealousy squeaking into his tone.

"Yeah, sorry. I met up with her kind of on accident," she explained, setting her bag on the floor and heading for her herb bottles.

"You should have invited me anyway."

"You know I always do, but you probably weren't up for hours after I left this time," she chided, giggling.

"NOT TRUE!" he cried, indignant.

"Well, you were definitely sound asleep when I headed out this morning."

"Well… well next time I'll…" He trailed off and the two exchanged a knowing look.

"Were you about to say 'get up early'?"

"Yeah, but then I thought about it," he mumbled bitterly. She laughed.

"At least you're honest," she said, heading for the door. "That should count for something!"

A watering bucket sat just outside the entryway. She paused for a moment, considering, then set her jaw and grabbed it, knocking Shippo off his perch. She headed for the stream, the young demon bounding at her heels. Maybe she could still bring those flowers back from the brink.

 _It worked for Kikyo_ , she thought wryly as she slid carefully down the embankment, _why not for her grave?_

"Careful, Kagome" Shippo called from high on the bank.

"Don't worry, I won't fall in."

"Famous last words," he teased, eyes watching her intently.

"Haha, well even if I did, you know I can swim."

"Still!"

She looked up at the unusually insistent little fox demon and smiled somberly. His kind of worry was the easiest to bear.

"Don't worry, Shippo. I'll be fine," she repeated quietly, smile fading just a touch. "I promise."

—

A/N: I'm still really tired, so I'll write a proper author's note when I upload the next chapter IN THE NEXT 24 HOURS HO HO HO HOOO (this was supposed to be one chapter, but it got really emotional and long, so I broke it up). All the stuff that was making me super sad is in the next chapter haha, so look forward to it. Love you guys, and thanks again for all your support!

xoxox

Mana


	4. Chapter 4

"And then I just apply it directly to the wound, right?" **  
**

"Exactly."

Kagome smiled proudly. When Kaede had first started their herbology lessons, they seemed impossible. Since then it had become obvious that Kagome had a gift for natural medicine. When she looked up from the sprig in her hand she saw the older woman smiling down at her just as proudly.

"If I ever get stabbed or somethin', patch me up, k, Kagome?" Shippo yawned, cradling in his arms and staring at the greying sky.

"Ha, you're a demon! You wouldn't need poultices like these," she replied, reaching over and tickling his stomach. "And there's no way I'd let anyone stab you," she continued more soberly, standing once his subtle request for attention was satisfied. "I'd fry 'em first."

"I like the sound of your confidence!" called Miroku, coming up the hill behind them.

"Are you guys heading out?" Kagome asked, doing her best to mask the disappointment in her voice. After so many years together, it never felt quite right when Miroku and Sango left. Not that she could blame them. Rebuilding a village required lots of time; building a family even more so.

"Maybe you should wait a while," she added, sparing a glance at the clouds overhead. "It looks like rain."

"All the more reason to get on the road before the storm breaks," he replied gloomily.

"Right, of course." The monk smiled ruefully.

"You know our door is always open to you, Kagome," he added, resting a hand on her shoulder as he read the look that passed fleetingly across her face.

"Thanks," she said for the dozenth time, "but I need to stay here." The words felt less and less convincing to her lately.

"Really?" the monk prodded. Kagome caught his meaning.

"Really," she echoed. "The village needs a healer. Or at least a full-time one," she explained, her gaze following Kaede's swaying form as the priestess made her way back down the hill. "Kaede's just not up to the whole 24/7 thing lately. And you'd be amazed at how much trouble people manage to get themselves into. Even without demons to fight," she was babbling and she knew it. Miroku smiled understandingly and gave her shoulder a supportive squeeze.

"And if one comes around, it must be nice to have you here to handle that, too," he affirmed. "Alright," he sighed, throwing his hands up in defeat, "I relent. At least I can tell Sango I tried."

"I'm sorry she'll be disappointed," Kagome said, unconsciously petting Shippo's head.

"Not just Sango," said the monk, leaning over to ruffle the girl's hair playfully. "Promise you'll come stay with us sometime. It doesn't have to be forever, but you just need to get away from…" he looked around them and gestured, arms circling as he searched for the right word, "… _this_."

As if on cue, a bright red form burst through the canopy down the hill.

"INUYASHA," the monk yelled, his brotherly tone of moments before suddenly stern.

The half-demon quickly alighted on the closest tree that would hold him and turned back in acknowledgement, but he remained far enough away to discourage any actual conversation. Even from this distance, Kagome could tell his eyes were trained on her.

 _He was on his way to the well again_ , she realized. Miroku quickly noted the same and frowned.

"INUYASHA, COME HERE," the monk growled. Miroku's controlled-anger voice always made Kagome feel like she'd been caught doing something wrong, even when it wasn't aimed at her.

 _He'll be a good father_ , she thought.

The half demon shook his head in reply, sending his hair flipping from side to side like a white flag.

"WE NEED TO SPEAK WITH YOU," the monk persisted.

"NO," Inuyasha finally barked in defiance, pointing exaggeratedly for emphasis. " _YOU_ WANT SOMETHING, _YOU_ COME _HERE!_ " Miroku made a small noise of disgust in the back of his throat, and Kagome rolled her eyes under closed lids, shaking her head. She didn't have enough sleep to deal with this.

"Inuyasha," she said, not bothering to raise her voice to match their volume. She knew he could hear her, especially when he recoiled at her familiar tone. Miroku grinned. He knew what came next, too.

"Sit, boy."

"Finally," breathed Miroku, picking up his staff as a loud crash and an angry howl of betrayal echoed across the hillside. Miroku chuckled low in his throat as the pair nonchalantly made their way towards the source of the disturbance.

"Kagome," he said appreciatively, throwing an affectionate arm around her shoulders, "remind me to never piss you off."

—

The two men hurled insults at each other for the first few minutes of their conversation as Miroku and Inuyasha butted heads - both figuratively and literally. They were getting nowhere. It didn't take much convincing for Miroku to leave the two to talk alone. He laid a protective kiss on Kagome's forehead as he left, making eye contact with Inuyasha as he did so, daring his friend to discover the consequences of hurting the woman further.

 _Well, that was new_ , she thought to herself, watching as he turned and strode back towards the village without a word. Their group had never really taken sides in these arguments before. Miroku in particular was prone to side with Inuyasha when it came to misplaced - or manifold - affections. But today he'd seemed genuinely upset. She couldn't remember the last time she'd seen the monk so unsettled, if she ever had.

 _Maybe Sango changed him_ , she speculated.

 _Or maybe he knows Inuyasha is meddling with more than hurt feelings this time_ , countered a wicked voice in the back of her mind.

She sighed.

She turned to look at him. He sat leaning his back against the tree to shield himself from the rain, arms and legs folded defiantly around Tessaiga and head turned away, his lower lip jutting out in a decided pout.

She opened her mouth to begin, but no words came out. She sighed again.

"You gonna stand there an' _sigh_ me to death or you gonna say what you been wantin' to say?" he snarled at last, still refusing to make eye contact.

"I know why you're going down the well," she answered, noting how he stiffened. It was easier to cut to the chase in retaliation to his biting remarks than it was to begin on her own. As she watched, his scowl gradually softened into a pained expression. His silence hung gratingly in the space between them, stark in contrast to the pitter-patter echo that muffled all the sounds around them. He exhaled in a groan.

"Yeah?" he asked at last, the defiance gone from his voice. Her courage wavered in the face of his sudden vulnerability, the anger that had fueled her slipping away. She swallowed the lump forming in her throat, fighting the urge to wrap comforting arms around him, and continued.

"You could be messing with…" she struggled for the right words to convey the seriousness of his transgressions to him, "with _fate_ , Inuyasha. You could be undoing events that are important to the future. To all our futures. You could be putting us all in danger." The righteous ire that had abandoned her rekindled as she imagined the damage he could be causing her friends. "Especially if you're just using the well for selfish reasons." She muttered it as an aside, but his head snapped towards her like she'd slapped him.

"Selfish?" he demanded, jumping to his feet. "How is it _self-_ "

"Are you _seriously_ going to sit there and tell me that playing with the flow of time and possibly disrupting the events of the future - of _everyone's_ futures - for the sake of your LOVE LIFE somehow isn't selfish?" she scolded, anger in full bloom once more. "How could you- I mean I know I'm _biased_ , but have you even stopped to THINK about the repercussions of all this? What you're doing is-" she let out a frustrated groan. "It's killing me, Inuyasha," she sighed defeatedly, clamping damp hands at her sides and fighting to regain control.

 _Literally_ , she thought. She felt tears building behind clenched lids.

"I-" he started, but bit his tongue as she dropped her head and first one tear, then another slid down her cheek.

" _Kagome…_ " he exhaled sharply as his brows knit together, his fangs digging into his lower lip.

Before she could register the movement, he pulled her tight against him, one hand at the small of her back and another cradling her head, pressing his cheek to her hair.

"I- I'd never do anything to hurt you," he said purred emphatically. And whether it was because he hadn't held her in so long, or because he sounded so desperate, or simply because she so badly wanted it to be true, for the thud of a few heartbeats she believed him. For a fleeting moment she let the warmth of his body and his declarations wrap around her and sink into her skin.

But she blinked, and the spell wore off. She pushed him away, not far enough move out of the circle of his arms, but enough so that their bodies weren't pressed against each other. It would only make things harder.

"But you have," she mumbled finally, unwilling to meet his eyes. "You've already hurt me… a dozen times. You've endangered all of us for Kikyo before, and now when everything is finally settled you're just rushing in to do it again!"

"Kikyo-"

" _I don't want to hear it!_ " she yelled, surprising both of them at the sudden force in her voice. "I don't want to hear it anymore," she repeated, hands clenching his forearms. It sounded more like a plea than a command.

" _Kagome…_ " he murmured. He moved to rest his forehead on top of her wet hair and inhaled her scent, lingering.

"You smell like that bastard again," he muttered after a moment, more an observation than an accusation. She had no reply.

He let out an achingly wistful breath. As if giving himself permission, he slowly stepped back, his fingers trailing down her arms and across her skin as he released her, reluctant to break that last bit of contact. A single fingertip hooked around hers as they stood inches apart, both staring at the ground. She wanted desperately to say something, but no words came.

 _Oh,_ she realized, rain masking the tears streaming down her face, _so this is why I was avoiding it._

Inuyasha gently squeezed her trembling hand in his own.

"How did it…" he grimaced and closed his eyes, giving the slightest shake of his head as if internally admonishing himself. Or maybe forgiving himself. His hand slipped out of hers and he turned to go without a sound.

She looked up through blurring tears to see his back begrudgingly receding.

"Inuyasha…" she whispered, her resolve crumbling as the weight of finality in the air pressed down on her, realization suddenly washing over her.

" _Inuyasha_ ," she called more insistently, moving forward involuntarily and catching the edge of his sleeve between nervous fingers.

"I- Inu…" she tried to formulate the words but they evaporated off her tongue as quickly as they'd come, her mind desperately fishing for what to say to express the crushing pressure that wrapped around her.

"Don't," she murmured at last. " _Don't go_."

He winced painfully.

"It's a debt I can't repay, Kagome. It's something I owe to-" he let out a small, broken sigh, knowing no explanation would be enough.

"I _have_ to, Kagome," he finished wretchedly, sleeve still caught, unwilling or perhaps unable to free it.

"Stay," she begged, all semblance of pride or spite long-since shattered, " _please_."

His chest ached at the raw anguish in her voice, his very blood begging him to relent. He clenched his fists, a fine tremor running over his body as he fought the urge to sweep her up in his arms and promise whatever he had to promise to keep her from breaking.

The seconds seemed to bend, drawn out endlessly in the inches and the regret that stretched between them.

" _Stay_ ," she pleaded, more desperately than before.

" _Kagome-_ " he whimpered.

" _Stay,_ " she whispered thickly. " _Stay, st-_ " the words caught in a gasping sob, drowned out by the sound of the rain trickling through the canopy above them.

" _Just stay._ "

—

A/N:

Are you guys as sad as I am right now? SOMEONE HOLD MY FEELS.

More importantly, I need you to know that the original draft of this had "Miroku came up on the threesome from behind" and when I read over it on the first edit I laughed my ass off.

Second, to the InuKag shippers: I'm sorry for your tears. I think you can't really call yourself an author until you've written something and thought "I hope this makes people cry… I hope this breaks their hearts" lol. Forgive me. Honestly I got pretty emotional writing this, because InuKag was the power couple I idolized through my entire childhood. Not to spoil anything, but don't be too sad (for those of you not reading this on FF, the description of this story is "when the well closes a door, it opens a window", riiiiight).

Last (BUT OMFG NOT LEAST), **THANK YOU** to all you wonderful people who have read, faved, commented, reviewed, and sent me nice messages. Honestly, when I started posting this I thought "huh, maybe one or two people will read it...maybe," and instead I've been overwhelmed by all your kindness! I'm so glad that you guys have been liking it so far and I'm so grateful for all the support you've given me. It really makes me want to work extra hard when I hear that you've been enjoying it, so thank you! I really hope that you guys are happy with how it turns out, especially since, as I mentioned in the beginning blurb on my tumblr (on my manapurin blog, search the "clean" tag), I wrote basically the whole fic before I ever started posting chapters. After reading how invested some of you are, I really, really, really hope the plot/ending will be satisfying! Not that we're even close to that, though haha.

*ganbarimasu*

Anyway, thanks for sticking with me, and thanks for reading Clean. You guys are the best!

xoxox

Mana


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